||[May. 29th, 2005|10:29 am]
OK, as always it has been awhile, but hey whatever. I just cant figure out what to do with myself right now. Im at work and im so fucking jittery. I feel like i had 10 cups of coffee, and all i want to do is talk to casey. fuck. fuck. fuck. so last night we did e and it was so crazy. i first noticed i was fucked when i looked in the mirror, and my eyes, jesus, they were huge and black and i know what ms volk meant when she said you cant see the complete circle around someones eye unless they are on drugs, cuz my ees were huge. they sparkled too. then me and casey built a fire and we sat there, and my mind went fucking racing. when it hit us i felt like i wanted to tell casey everything all at once. we were talking overeachother nonstop, and i was like this is what its like to be in love. wow. it was fucking perfect. absolutly. he was fucking all over me, he said he couldnt stop touching me - he was licking my fingers and stuff while i talked a million miles a minute. then it calmed down and we chilled in the shop for a long long time. i dont even know what else to put here, there is so much that could be said. i think me and casey were both a little worried about the whole
"i think i'm in love with you,
but you're on it too,
so you say you love me too,
wake up in the mornin' and you're like what the fuck'd we do,
if i get caught cheetin then im stuck with you"
(i know, i know more eminem lyrics but they kept going over and over in my head, along with "Sometimes the average listener rewinds and plays me twenty times cuz I say so many rhymes, it may seem like I'm goin too fast cuz my mind is racing")
but its chill. i think we have it set right now, as far as i am concerned i am fucking happy! really happy and lucky.
so even though it was x and you arent ever supposed to be sad on it, i starteed to freak out about my unmotivation and my worhtless stonerness, and i cried and it was when my mind was fucking racing, but then im like, casey, its alright. and everything was fine. and it is, because no matter what i am an insanely lucky person. and god i really love casey. more than anyone else in the world right now. i do.
oh yeh, so kiersten called last night, she was home i guess and had a huge party for her brother, and em and jill and forrest and rachel all wnt too - casey blew her off, right off - and im glad. he says he wont ever touch her again. i hope so, but i beleive him now.
just excuse me now while i go run a fucking marathon.
haha, we also had many deep conversations about the sexes and had some very insightful ideas...