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WOW...time sure does fly by [Apr. 12th, 2009|01:39 pm]
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This almost freaks me out in a way - just looking back on how much i have grown up and changed in the last 5 years is scary. Maybe i have changed in a lot of good ways - but also some that aren't so good. When did everyone really start to hate me? Maybe everyone doesn't actually hate me - but no one really wants to hang out ever and i just keep finding myself wishing paige were here. clinging to people that probably wont ever live with me. People are just so weird out here. Adam has changed a lot too but I need to start being a different person. I shouldnt be afarid of being friends with guys and i should make an effort to hang out. i think jessie and kelly like me but maybe i'm wrong. how come our house isnt cool enough for  other people to want to live here? How come Casey is so uptight? Why can't we have a fun household of people...like we should. we are fun sometimes arent we?

It also give me a sense of releif to know Danny's blog is still out there - since Noah Grey's is gone and he was the best ever. So sad. this is growing up I suppose.

Then I realize that in these last 5 years that I have changed so much I have been with Casey through all of it. Maybe this isn't good for us, but the more I meet people the more i really dont seem to have interest in them. Casey and I have it. We are those lucky people. And I want to marry him. Im getting old and if we are going to commit to eachother we might as well do it officially now. I guess it doesnt really matter at all though. I want to move and create a new life. Be a better, more fun person. And have Casey do it with me. We'll see what happens.
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Snow Snow and More Snow...FINALLY [Feb. 20th, 2007|04:16 pm]
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We went up to loveland pass today to snowboard and as always it was fucking incredible. we got there around 9 and got home about 330. We found so many good pillow lines - and of course fresh snow. Saturday we got a foot or more and then we have been getting a couple inches a night so it stays pretty fresh. casey took some really badass pictures today - ill post them later on. I'm trying to find some cool people to hang out with so i invited people over from the dam to chill tonight. emily just turned 21 so she is going to hook up the keg tonight from there. i think i am going to die now....so later bitches.
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wow - its ben awhile [Feb. 13th, 2007|03:55 pm]
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[Current Location |CO BABY!]
[music |Intersteller Love Affair]

haha, i guess a year is quite awhile and a lot has certainly happened - but i should start recording this shit.

I live in Colorado. I live with Casey and Adam [who would have thought?] I dont snowboard quite enough, but if it ever snowed i would go more. i think i am on my 51st day of the season. we got tons and tons of snow in the beginning, but ever since the new year we havent gotten shit. VT is getting 24 inches tomorrow, and it is really about time for them since they havent had any really this year. I work at the Dam Brewery. Today I am waiting for this girl Kelsie to come by and give me a keg of raspberry porter. it is delicious. i hope jim filled it up for me today....im sick of waiting. casey and i also have a little gift from Ben [Adams Ben] that we are going to take tonight. None of our neighbors are that cool. These people Drew and Erin moved in from Indiana, and they are fun, but just not always the brightest people in the world. Tomorrow is Valentines Day, and Im hoping casey will get me flowers, but im sure he wont, which is OK...We are going out to dinner for sure though, once i get done with work and i am certainly looking foward to that. I think I sleep way too much since ive been out here, and i need to exercize more. i havent gained weight, but i just feel....FAT.....I could go swim at the rec center - but nah....i wanna drink some beer. ta ta for now.
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Shit went down... [Jun. 29th, 2005|09:14 am]
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[mood |Dead]
[music |106.7 WIZN]

**UPDATE** Casey and I are together!! (officially since Paige’s Solstice Party)

So last night was THE WORST night of the worst. Well that’s really not true because I might redo it again if I had the choice. Sure, I would. It is over now. Anyway, so Matt and I went up to Kiersten’s last night and there were a lot of drunken people there. Jason, Kyle, Tony, Casey, Jill, Megan, Rachel, Paige, Danielle, Dave, Cory, Becky, jess – anyway so I when I first got there kiersten was being quite rude to me she kept giving me these dirty look and shit, I was really nice to her anyway and then she decided to share her captain’s with me so I got drunk. I hadn’t drank in awhile and I decided to get trashed. I started talking to everyone, it was great I got to talk to people I haven’t seen around much, and I really talked to them. Then I was getting all pissed because Casey wasn’t talking to me much, and im always stupidly searching for him at parties, and he also wouldn’t touch me or do anything because kiersten was there. I went up the trail later on to pee and it was all loose dirt and I slid down the bank but I was wearing sandals and they were all filled with dirt and I lost one of them. Someone yelled to me and I thought it was Kyle – he came down and started helping me look for my sandal for a while and then I called him Kyle and it was actually Casey. He got all pissed and that just set me right off. I started crying and freaking out – I really don't know why but I couldn’t help it. Then Casey was hugging me and he’s like- Caitlin I love you a lot, I was ignoring you, blah blah…I’m like how come you wont tell kiersten we are together then?… Later matt came up and talked to me and we decided to stop looking for my sandal so we went up to the house and I was almost calmed down by now and everyone had passed out. I wanted to leave and go back to Casey’s so he went inside and matt and I waited outside on the bench – about 10 min later kiersten runs out of the house and let me tell you – I have never heard someone wail like this. Screaming. Crying. And it all echoed over the water at the reservoir. It made me start crying again. It is all my fault. I had been bugging Casey to tell her we were together – he should have before – but I guess she really really didn’t take it well. At least it is kind of over now . We got back to Casey’s and we had gone to bed it was like 430ish and we were talking and the phone rings. Kiersten. He wouldn’t talk to her he kept hanging up on her. She called again at 7 and she left like 4 msgs of her crying-just crying- on his phone. Jesus. They haven’t been a couple for almost a year and she fucked Lucas Shultz for god’s sake. I guess kiersten was like- oh I can see how it would be convient to fuck Caitlin because she is around all the time, and **a million bonus points to Casey** he is like no it isn’t like that, I care about her more than anyone. Wahoooooooooo :)
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OMG [May. 29th, 2005|10:29 am]
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[mood |restlessrestless]

OK, as always it has been awhile, but hey whatever. I just cant figure out what to do with myself right now. Im at work and im so fucking jittery. I feel like i had 10 cups of coffee, and all i want to do is talk to casey. fuck. fuck. fuck. so last night we did e and it was so crazy. i first noticed i was fucked when i looked in the mirror, and my eyes, jesus, they were huge and black and i know what ms volk meant when she said you cant see the complete circle around someones eye unless they are on drugs, cuz my ees were huge. they sparkled too. then me and casey built a fire and we sat there, and my mind went fucking racing. when it hit us i felt like i wanted to tell casey everything all at once. we were talking overeachother nonstop, and i was like this is what its like to be in love. wow. it was fucking perfect. absolutly. he was fucking all over me, he said he couldnt stop touching me - he was licking my fingers and stuff while i talked a million miles a minute. then it calmed down and we chilled in the shop for a long long time. i dont even know what else to put here, there is so much that could be said. i think me and casey were both a little worried about the whole
"i think i'm in love with you,
but you're on it too,
so you say you love me too,
wake up in the mornin' and you're like what the fuck'd we do,
if i get caught cheetin then im stuck with you"

(i know, i know more eminem lyrics but they kept going over and over in my head, along with "Sometimes the average listener rewinds and plays me twenty times cuz I say so many rhymes, it may seem like I'm goin too fast cuz my mind is racing")

but its chill. i think we have it set right now, as far as i am concerned i am fucking happy! really happy and lucky.

so even though it was x and you arent ever supposed to be sad on it, i starteed to freak out about my unmotivation and my worhtless stonerness, and i cried and it was when my mind was fucking racing, but then im like, casey, its alright. and everything was fine. and it is, because no matter what i am an insanely lucky person. and god i really love casey. more than anyone else in the world right now. i do.

oh yeh, so kiersten called last night, she was home i guess and had a huge party for her brother, and em and jill and forrest and rachel all wnt too - casey blew her off, right off - and im glad. he says he wont ever touch her again. i hope so, but i beleive him now.

just excuse me now while i go run a fucking marathon.

haha, we also had many deep conversations about the sexes and had some very insightful ideas...
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Oops... [May. 17th, 2005|01:12 pm]
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Grrrrrrrrrrreat. I just got home from caseys and this morning was well....interesting. We woke up and we're like oh, there is no one here cuz they went out to brunch, so ummmm some stuff was happening, and Steve - Casey's dad got back and just walked right in. To see us naked on top of eachother. My life just gets more and more fucked every day. That was pretty fuckin embarrassing....
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You're Young // You Got A Lotta Drugs To Do // Girls To Screw // Parties To Crash [May. 15th, 2005|12:44 pm]
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Directions...start with 100% and subtract 5% for each thing you've done on the list...comment with your percentage.....
1. smoked`
2. drank`
3. done drug`
4. have fingered/been fingered`
5. given a handjob/gotten a handjob`
6. french kissed`
7. felt someone up/been felt up`
8. given a blowjob/gotten a blowjob`
9. licked out someone/been licked out`
10. had sex`
11. had a threesome
12. given or taken it in the butt`
13. made a sex tape`
14. done any sexual act on a school campus
15. peed on someone's lawn while drunk
16. had sex/messed around in your room while your parents were home`
17. had sex/messed around in a public place or somewhere where there was at least one person present`
18. gotten caught having a party
19. used sex toys`
20. snuck into someone's room/your own room after being out?`

Should I worry - I got 15%
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Another Sunday... [May. 15th, 2005|07:58 am]
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[mood |sicksick]

Another Sunday. Wahoo... I feel like everything is just going by so fast, but the days arent too exciting anyway - i mean i really dont have that much of an objection to it, but it seems like weeks are flying by now. i am dreading the day that kiersten returns. i dont know what is going to happen - matt thinks she wont come around when we are there - hes like shell come down here some night when shes all fucked up and fuck casey, and he also thinks there is not a chance casey would turn it down. this makes me sad. i talked to casey about this and he swears he isnt going to touch kiersten ever again.....well we will see, but i dont think im going to hold my breath or anything. it just sucks thats all. he makes me frustrated a lot anyway.

i got to hang out with tiffany a couple times this week which was awesome - i just hope she had a good time too. she is also crazy. shes going to europe for 2 weeks then ny for the summer then boston again. :(

what am i going to do here all day long? i am so bored and i feel sick. great start to the week.
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Wahoooooooo......... [May. 8th, 2005|02:00 pm]
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[mood |highhigh]

Today is the best day in the world. I swear, even though it is sunday which i dont usually consider a day i work 10 hours and im hungover as shit. i bought eminem tickets. august 9th and matt is going with me. i am so ciked. it is going to be fucking amazing. wahooooo.....happy mothers day too. and tomorrow happy birthday to my dad. im high. i gotta go work. peace.
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I know I shouldn't have..... [May. 1st, 2005|08:35 am]
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Well I think I have fucked up again.

And I cant figure anything out. I think I have it figured out, and then I spaz out doing the opposite of what I thopught I wanted.

So I had sex with Casey last night. Which is BAD BAD BAD for a million reasons. Honestly it is probably bad that we sleep together all the time and cuddle because normal friends dont do that. It is bad that I am jealous of other girls because I wouldnt want to be with casey. I just want to be his best friend - and I am. So why do I try and fuck it up? I mean me and casey have history. A lot. He was my first real boyfriend, for 2 years. Then we didnt talk for maybe half a year and started hanging out again like a year and a half or 2 years ago. A year ago we started hooking up again. Then we were like no, this is dumb we arent in love with eachother, we need to just chill out - no sex. And it was working great, but last night Im not sure what happened, but it was probably more my fault then his - i was just wicked attracted to him, and he already had his shirt and belt off cuz we were sleeping so.....

The realtionship i have with casey isnt like anything anyone else seems to have, and i love it. it is fucking amazing actually, but im just scared of ruining it. i wish i wasnt such a nymphomanic sometimes. I shouldnt have sex with my friends.

Im a pushover. i cant even make rules for myself, that should be a rule; but instead i say 'shouldnt' because then i can change my mind. It just like how i should smoke less, or quit or do SOMETHING about it, but instead i just smoke more and more and forget about it.

I gotta figure some shit out soon. I just want love. Way too badly.
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